You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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