went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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