you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
