Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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