"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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