I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
