Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
