you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
