Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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