it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
