I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You're a waste of cheezeits
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
