Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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