i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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