She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
