Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
