its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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