You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
