how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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