i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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