i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize