Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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