Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
