i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
