Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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