i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
