4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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