So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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