He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
