My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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