We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Small penises have feelings too.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
