I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In other news, I just burned my penis
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
