Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
