You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
