If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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