I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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