That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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