I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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