my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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