How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
