Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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