return my video game
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
