Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize