Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
