how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
