I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
