What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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