i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
