listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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