Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Buhtt sex?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So much rum. So many feels.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
