hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
