I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize