so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
