watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
