i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
