ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't turn off my feet"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
