i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
