I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
