but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
