my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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