So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
