zippers are such a cool invention
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
