so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
