i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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