Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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