Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
