Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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