i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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