There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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