dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize