Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Randomize
