I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
