so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
